SHEER IDIOCY BREAKS UP!!!

"[I]t's over," sighs a forlorn, yet resolute Carrie DePetris. She's standing outside the recently decommissioned Sheer Information Kiosk in downtown Troy; plastic shopping bag in hand containing some of the last tattered brochures that once proudly beckoned patrons to the outpost. "It's really unbelievable, really. I mean I…" a wistful stare halts her rambling momentarily, "I loved Sheer Idiocy. It was… it was a part me."

Carrie is one of the SI8, the eight members of Sheer Idiocy, now disbanded and scattered to the prevailing winds. Fan appreciation flagging, and profits reaching an all time low (fiscal 2001 figures reveal that people were actually coming to the shows, robbing the performers, and leaving), the senior council members of the troupe (everyone but that welp Rob) decided that a bold new move was needed. "So we're breaking up and planning a massive reunion tour," sighs Craig Lampert rather dejectedly. His monotonous and melancholy tone unbroken, he continues, "It's sure to be the most fantastical and brilliant spectacle you've ever seen. Come one, come all." A single tear drops down his face.

Fans are shaken. Prior to the break-up they had been disenchanted, thuggish ne'er-do-wells, that didn't give two craps about improv comedy. Now a seemingly endless line of protesters has set up camp outside the Student Union, and with arms linked have sat "Indian-style" for three days, swaying back and forth crooning snatches of Idiotic Pop, such as the 2001 chart-topper "Rolling on the Floor", and that moldy oldie "Captain Bubba (He Never Sings (When He's Supposed To))". SheerIdiocy.net reporters were able to manhandle one protester and ask what his beef was.

SheerIdiocy.net: Protestin'?

Matt LeBlanc: Yep.

SI.net: Been out here long?

MLB: 'Reckon.

SI.net: Whatcha Singin'?

MLB: In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. Iron Butterfly.

SI.net: Hellz yeah.

No official decision has been made concerning the restless crowds, but business-savvy Troupe Manager Matt Duggan feels he can easily convert them from quote "Stinky Hippies" to quote "Buying Customers". Martini in hand, he surveys the teeming mass from the union balcony and scoffs, Grinch-like, at their singing. "The fools, the fools! The poor, wretched fools! Think they that their pining will bring us back? Think they that their whining will give them slack? I've got a plan to fix them good. We'll build a ticket stand made of wood. Place it at the front of the line. And soon they'll stop their loathsome whine. They'll buy our tickets left and right. They'll buy them morning, noon, and night. They'll buy them here, they'll buy them there! They'll buy our tickets everywhere! They'll…" Our reporters slinked back inside very carefully to avoid boredom.

So, the question remains. Will this hair-brained scheme to reinvigorate RPI's fluxing lust for Sheer Idiocy really pay off? Or will the Idiots launch solo careers, perhaps gaining momentary, independent stardom before finally succumbing to the lure of an anonymous career in pornography. The answer to both questions is yes.