The Exalted Decrees of the Emperour of the Idiocracy

Hello my fine subjects! It has come time for me to address you once again on the state of the Idiocracy. I shall make haste with this most recent set of decrees in order to answer some questions. I have selected the finest soldiers from my phalanxes in order to cross the countryside to speak with you, my people. Do not be alarmed by their presence! They are merely wondering what you think of moi! I do hope we can clear up any misunderstandings you may have had about the rule of the Emperour. And now, on with the show:

Decree I
When in the presence of the Emperour, a sweet smell must emanate from the body. The Emperour does not approve of rancid, fetid vapors leaking from body cavities and will remove any toes found to have linty cheese between them.

Decree II
Tunics shall be neatly pressed and silk-screened with the Emperour's visage. Do not iron the graphic on the tunic for the Emperour's face will smear and smearage of any Imperial image will result in expungement from the land.

Decree III
Any recollection of the Emperour as a wee tot waiting in line to get the autograph of John Stamos will result in banishment. The Emperour has moved on and so should you.

Decree IV
The Emperour does not approve of the rumors currently spreading around the Idiocracy. The Emperour never said anything about being "made of cheese." The Emperour is not a cheese person.

Decree V
The Emperour believes that the constant ringing sound may be the phone.

Please follow the decrees accordingly on risk of Imperial denouncement of your mother. And now for some fun questions from my loyal subjects!

"Idiocracy sounds a lot like democracy, but you seem like a sort of dictator! That isn't right! What gives, bub?"
Settle down you silly rabble-rouser! Although idiocracy does sound like democracy, it is certainly not the same thing. A democracy is run by the people whereas an idiocracy is run by the Idiots! It is a very different way of life indeed! And I assure you that I am the most benevolent of rulers. My squepter does not rule unjustly!

"What the freak is a squepter?"
We can't all be knowledgeable about the finer aspects of Imperial tradition. The Emperour understands. Never say that the Emperour wasn't sympathetic to the uncultured masses. For those who don't know, the squepter is a fine piece of form and function combining all of the royal elements of the scepter, with the utilitarian chic of the squeegee. No Emperour should be without one.

"There's no U in Emperor!"
The Emperour can only answer questions. One cannot answer a statement. But the Emperour believes that there may be an implied question within this statement. To set the record straight, the Emperour has strong French roots (note the use of the word "moi" above) and prefers the nonexistent European spelling of the word.

Would you like to take the Emperour to task over Imperial procedure? Email the Emperour at emperour@sheeridiocy.net!