A Message From the FUTURE!

OH my, I made it! I made it through the Temporal Vertex! Thank the great Hitchens! People of the past, I, Narxel, come from the distant future to warn you of terrible dangers to come. I have been sent here, to late March of the year 2004, in the hopes that I may stop these horrible events from happening.

Narxel of the Future!

You see, it was on March the 27th of 2004 at 8PM in the McNeil Room (located on the second floor of the Union) that Sheer Idiocy, once RPI’s one and only improvisational troupe, was to have its second show for that year. They promised feats of astounding wonder; comedy far beyond the comprehension of mortal men. They attempted to elicit the attention of all their fellow students, from the lowliest of the freshmen (Max F. Feidelton) to the most exulted of the seniors (Gary R. Feidelton), in order to fill their venue to fire safety capacity.

But then a terrible thing happened:
NO ONE CAME!

It’s true, not a one. The troupe waited three days and seven nights. They had to eat their new apprentices Mattywelch, John, and Michelle, but they waited nonetheless. And still no one came. Sheer Idiocy was furious…

Fury transformed the Idiots into beings not of this world; creatures so hideous and powerful that the Union might not contain them, and its great atrium was torn asunder, and its proud foundation crumbled all away. Then Nathan the Vengeful, Joseph the Angry, Michael the Mad, Caroline the Fearsome, and Robert the Dissatisfied set out to lay waste the lands of upstate New York. Their monstrous rampage cast human civilization into utter ruin. Old women were stomped mercilessly in the streets; their broken corpses harshly engraved with an oversized Nike swoosh or that Reebok… thing.

A few of us survived, fleeing underground to escape the notice of the titanic tyrants. Slowly, we began developing technology that might bring an end to the homicidal reign of the Idiots. Alas! No weapon would prevail against them! Their hides were thick, and the pelts of their slain, slung rakishly across their bosoms, kept them from any harm.

And so we poured forth our efforts into the creation of a time machine, that we might reverse that ill-fated day when Sheer Idiocy was driven mad by lack of attendance at their show on February the 20th of 2004 at 8PM in the McNeil Room (located on the second floor of the Union). Thus it is that I implore you, people of the past: PLEASE, go to Sheer Idiocy’s show, March the 27th of 2004 at 8PM in the McNeil Room (located on the second floor of the Union). If the expectations of the Idiots are not met, then humanity, as you know it, shall fade away to naught. Heed my words, or the swoosh will find you swiftly! And the swoosh knows not the meaning of clemency.

Narxel is the secret pen name of Mike Hourihan the Mad