Eddie Matthews
Idiot from: Fall 2024 to Current
October 17, 2032 - Frankfurt Municipal Airport
Eddie H. "Cereal Eater" Matthews became Edward R. "Serial Killer" Matthews.
Reproduced below is a selection of quotes from the people who knew him best.
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"Frank [Eddie]? He's the meanest, sleakest Poister Boister there is! He ain’t no goddamn Toidi Woidi, no, he knows how it's-a done! Sometimes his fettuccine's too far past al-dente (if you-a know what I mean), but don't-a tell 'im I said that." – Tony Boister
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"Business? [Gestures one hand toward you, palm face up.] Business business business. [Does the same with other hand.] Business! [Returns both hands to triangle position.]" – Bill Business
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"Eddie? Yeah I met him once. He said his favorite donut's an old-fashioned—can you imagine that? I mean everyone likes an old-fashioned once in a while, but as his favorite? Inconceivable." – Norm D. Nut, Colonie Center Dunkin' Employee #36
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"He thought he was slick, stuffing coffee cups with Lucky Charms cereal, but I knew. I always knew. I could see everything." – Cathy Commons, Rensselaer Dining Employee #923
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If you have any information as to his current or recent whereabouts, don’t tell anyone, you narc. What, you think you’re some sort of hero or something? The city of Frankfurt is already gone. Fuhgeddaboudit.