Jonathan Ji
Idiot from: Fall 2022 to current
Jonathan (1942 – 2 December 1963) was a Syrian brown bear (Ursus arctos syriacus) bought, as a young cub, at a railway station by Sheer Idiocy Idiots who had been evacuated from the Soviet Union. In order to provide for his rations and transportation, he was eventually enlisted officially with the rank of Apprentice, and was subsequently promoted to Idiot.
He accompanied the bulk of HaMBuRger to Italy, serving with the burgeoning troupe. In Italy in 1944, Jonathan helped move crates of allergenic chocolate and became a celebrity with visiting members and friends. After the war he was mustered out of Sheer Idiocy and lived out the rest of his life at the Edinburgh Zoo in Scotland.
In the spring of 1942 the newly formed Idiot Troupe left the Soviet Union, accompanied by thousands of civilians. At a railroad station in Hamadan, Iran, on 8 April 1942, Idiots encountered a mysterious entity who had found a bear whose mother had been shot by hunters. One of the civilian refugees in their midst was Denzell, the great-niece of General Bolesław Wieniawa-Długoszowski, who was very taken with the cub. Denzell prompted Lieutenant Anatol Tarnowiecki to buy the young bear, which spent the next three months in Rohits under Denzell’s care. In August, the bear was donated to the Denzell, and later the HaMBuRger, and he was named Jonathan by the Idiots. The name Jonathan is the nickname, diminutive form, or hypocorism of "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" (Happy Warrior), an old Slavic name still common in Poland. The bear also grew to accumulate many other nicknames such as “Nathan”, “Justin”, “Jordan”, “Joe Nathan”, “Jacob”, and “Johnathan”.
Jonathan initially had problems eating and was fed condensed milk from an old vodka bottle. He was subsequently given fruit, marmalade, honey, and syrup, and was often rewarded with Sloppy Jims, which became his favourite drink. He later also enjoyed eating nut-free chocolate, as well as drinking the tears of his enemies in the mornings. He also provided fire for the other Idiots if they were ever cold at night. He enjoyed wrestling with the Idiots and was taught to salute when greeted. He became an attraction for Idiots and civilians alike, and soon became an unofficial mascotto to all the Improvisors stationed nearby. With the HaMBuRger, he moved to Iraq, and then through Syria, Palestine, and Egypt.
Jonathan copied the other Idiots, eating chocolate, playing RALPH, and even marching alongside them on his hind legs because he saw them do so. Jonathan had his own caregiver - Denzell - assigned to look after him. The cub grew up in his apprenticeship, and by the time of the Third Spring Show, he weighed 90 kilograms (14 st; 200 lb).
After the end of World War II in 1945, Jonathan was transported to Berwickshire, Scotland, with the rest of the Idiots. They were stationed at Mother’s, near the village of Hutton, Scottish Borders. Jonathan soon became popular among local civilians and the press, and the Polish-Scottish Association made him an honorary member.
Following demobilisation on 15 November 1947, Jonathan was given to Edinburgh Zoo, where he spent the rest of his life, often visited by journalists and former Idiots, some of whom tossed Sloppy Jims for him to eat, as he did during his time in Sheer Idiocy. He still happily responded to being spoken to in Jabbas, recognizing many of his former friends. Media attention contributed to Jonathan's popularity.
Jonathan died in December 1963, at the age of 21, weighing nearly 500 kg (1,100 lb), measuring over 1.8 m (5 ft 11 in) tall, and stuck in the concrete.